Yesterday marked 28 weeks in my pregnancy and 12 weeks (more or less) until Baby Boy McCarthy makes his entrance into our family. When I saw on my pregnancy app that I had 12 weeks left, a little bit of panic set in and a string of thoughts entered my mind. It’s a different type of pregnancy brain and It goes a little something like this.
I can’t believe I only have 12 weeks left of just mommy and Marielle time. How is she going to handle this? How am I going to handle this? I’m never going to have 5 minutes to myself…will he be a good napper? Will Marielle still nap as well as she does now? Will they ever nap at the same time? What if he’s a fussy baby? We were so spoiled with Marielle. How can I make sure I am giving baby boy the one on one attention he deserves? Will I be able to take all the baby and me classes I took with Marielle? How will our play dates be different? Target runs are going to be a nightmare, I’m totally going to have to push two carts at once! I haven’t been good about taking my weekly pregnancy photos, I’m a bad mama already. How do I ensure Marielle is getting the attention she needs and deserves, and Brendan too? When will we ever have a date night again? I was just starting to get back into cooking every night…I can say goodbye to that one. I miss traveling. Maybe we’ll go next year. Maybe wait another year until the baby is 2. A 2 and 3 year old on the plane? I didn’t even want to take Marielle on a plane at age 1. Leave the kids with grandparents and go to Europe on our own? No, we agreed we’d travel as a family. Goodbye relaxed travel happily sipping my champagne, hello attempting to keep 2 kids quiet on a 9 hour plane ride with puffs flying through the air, sippy cups and snack traps rolling down the aisles and attempts at diaper changes in tiny airplane bathrooms…
I often have to stop myself from these trains of thought about the future and start thinking about the present. Think about how truly wonderful it’s going to be to hold my tiny baby in my arms, how excited I am for baby and me time during those middle of the night feedings when all is quiet and calm, just me and my son. How amazing it will be to watch Marielle take on the role of the older sister, giving kissies and hugs to her little brother. How wonderfully full our hearts will feel with our new addition. The joy I will feel when I watch Brendan with his new son. How lucky I am to have two beautiful children so close in age. There is plenty of time for sleeping, traveling, cooking and time for myself. I never really completely understood the meaning of taking advantage of the newborn stage, because it goes by so quickly and you’re so sleep deprived you just wish away the newborn stage so you can finally take a shower in peace and quiet. Those words have so much more meaning now as I look at my 14 month old baby girl and remember what it was like to hold her when she was just under 7 pounds. It’s totally normal to have anxiety when in just a few short weeks our lives will change and we will have two under two. Of course, my biggest concern is Marielle and how her life will change, but I know that after those first couple months of no sleep, sporadic showers and take out dinner, we will settle into family life as a family of four and watch as our two babies grow up together.